WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move critics are calling “a confession in legislative form,” Donald Trump signed an executive order today lowering the federal age of consent to 10 years old. The decree retroactively changes the law beginning in 1946 … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10
Trump Supporters Burn Bibles After Finally Learning What Jesus Would Do The IRS is facing backlash from Republicans after announcing that churches may only endorse political candidates without being taxed if they can cite valid religious reasons from their holy … Continue reading IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a 6–3 decision along political lines, the Supreme Court ruled today that non-consensual cosmetic surgery on male infant genitals remains fully legal, “so long as it’s done before the child can talk, walk, or scream ‘No!’” … Continue reading Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to “simplify communication across America,” President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring that all spoken word, news, television, and publications must be stated or written in “fifth-grade English or lower.” “This … Continue reading Makes ‘English Limited to 5th Grade Level’ Official Language of U.S.
In a move that’s shocked constitutional scholars, President Trump announced late Sunday night that the Department of Justice has officially been dissolved. Gone are the days of the DOJ standing in the way of his personal goals. In its place? … Continue reading Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’
(And Maybe Even Become Your New Breast Friend!) Zoom has partnered with Pornhub to release a new feature aimed at helping citizens in Florida, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, and Virginia … Continue reading New Zoom Feature Bypasses Porn ID Law: Screen-Sharing Samaritans Will Help You Get Off
In a stunning reversal, former President Donald Trump announced today that he was rescinding his appointment of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, citing what he called a “small misreading of handwritten notes.” “I didn’t mean the Attorney General,” Trump clarified in … Continue reading Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’
Trump added that babies from Scandinavian countries would be automatically exempt from testing, claiming, “They have great genes—very clean, very hardworking. But we’ll be keeping a close eye on the others.” Continue reading Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’
🛑 WHAT IF ONLY 25% OF US STOPPED RENTING FOR A JUST COUPLE MONTHS? Here’s a thought: a lot of us are just a bad month or two away from homelessness anyway. Instead of paying outrageous rent, what if 25% … Continue reading What If We Stopped Renting? How 25% of Renters Could Force Change in the Housing Market in Just Months
Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell told reporters early this morning that Republicans in Congress plan to introduce a bill that would require all Walmart locations to have a mass shooting condolence card section within the store. “It’s the least we can … Continue reading Republicans Push For ‘Mass Shooting Condolence Cards’ Section In Every Walmart
Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced today that a new law will soon be passed by the state which will fully-arm school staff with everything a school shooter could possibly bring with them during an attack. “You gotta make it a … Continue reading New Texas Law Will Outfit All School Staff With Everything A School Shooter Would Have
After offering no real solutions for mass shootings in America for decades, Republicans have now been tricked into supporting gun control laws after Democrats began calling mass shootings “post-birth abortions” yesterday. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi gave a brief … Continue reading Republicans Tricked Into Supporting Gun Control After Democrats Start Calling Mass Shootings ‘Post-Birth Abortions’
The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year. Continue reading Congress Passes Strict Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year
Shortages of baby formula are impacting parents across the country. Due to these conditions, San Francisco is now allowing parents to abort their kids after they have already been born. “This move comes in anticipation of babies dying of starvation,” … Continue reading San Francisco Legalizes Post-Birth Abortions Due To Baby Formula Shortage
Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed a bill into law today that will place any public school teachers who teach students about slavery into involuntary servitude programs. “There is not place for discussing slavery in Alabama schools. The past is in … Continue reading New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude
A recent study by Harvard University shows that Republicans in the US strongly believe that mentioning the existence of any LGBTQ+ people to kids is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate for them to hear about. The study comes at a … Continue reading Study: Republicans Think Kids Being Aware Of ‘Straight’ Couples Is Fine, But Mentioning Gay People Is ‘Too Sexual’
