ATF Valentine’s Tweet Tells Citizens To Report Their Exes If They Buy Or Sell Guns Illegally

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) posted a tweet today telling American citizens to call a tip line to report any of their exes who buy or sell guns illegally. Part of the ATF’s tweet read, “Valentine’s … Continue reading ATF Valentine’s Tweet Tells Citizens To Report Their Exes If They Buy Or Sell Guns Illegally

Trump Repeatedly Flushed Official Documents Down The Toilet & Flooded The Oval Office

Maggie Haberman’s new book “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America” reveals that throughout the Trump presidency White House staff would find documents clogging the toilet adjacent to the Oval Office – sometimes resulting in … Continue reading Trump Repeatedly Flushed Official Documents Down The Toilet & Flooded The Oval Office

Trump violated the presidential records act by tearing up and eating documents

Trump Violated The Presidential Records Act By Tearing Up & Eating Hundreds Of Official Documents

News broke today that former president Donald Trump may have violated the Presidential Records Act hundreds of times due to his incredibly odd habit of tearing up and eating official government documents. “Mr. Trump ate sensitive articles, letters, schedules, briefings, … Continue reading Trump Violated The Presidential Records Act By Tearing Up & Eating Hundreds Of Official Documents

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Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location

Billionaire businessman and entrepreneur Elon Musk recently purchased 420 private jets in an effort to prevent 19-year-old college freshman Jack Sweeny from using an algorithm he created to reveal where Musk and his plane are at all times. Notably, Musk … Continue reading Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location

Heavily-Armed State Of Religious Zealots Encourages Citizens To Turn In Neighbors For Abortions

Heavily-Armed State Of Religious Extremists Commands Citizens To Spy & Turn In Neighbors For Abortions

A heavily-armed state full of religious zealots known as “Texas” has passed a new abortion law that would pay $10,000 to anyone who reports their fellow citizens for having an abortion after 6 weeks of pregnancy. The new law, which … Continue reading Heavily-Armed State Of Religious Extremists Commands Citizens To Spy & Turn In Neighbors For Abortions

Supreme court rules satire illegal

Supreme Court Says Satire Is Now Illegal Due To ‘Reality Moving Far Beyond Rational Thought’

In a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court ruled today that satire is now illegal in the United States, stating that it “no longer serves its original purpose due to reality moving far beyond that of rational thought.” “The use of … Continue reading Supreme Court Says Satire Is Now Illegal Due To ‘Reality Moving Far Beyond Rational Thought’

Toys 'R' Us lands $16 million defense contract to monitor Canadian border with drones

Toys ‘R’ Us lands $16 million defense contract to monitor Canadian border with drones

(Infographics provided by White House) They’re back from the dead! Big box store Toys ‘R’ Us, who declared bankruptcy just last year, has signed a $16 million deal to supply the US government with drones to police the northern border. … Continue reading Toys ‘R’ Us lands $16 million defense contract to monitor Canadian border with drones

Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009

“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant Continue reading Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009

Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally

“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.” Continue reading Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally

Trump to Play Blackfaced ‘Ronald Klump’ Alongside Kanye West in Summer Blockbuster Movie

Early reports confirm Trump stars in the film as Ronald Klump, an “incredibly-relatable, African American Trump supporter who ventures on a mission to get Mexico to pay for the wall.” Continue reading Trump to Play Blackfaced ‘Ronald Klump’ Alongside Kanye West in Summer Blockbuster Movie

Bill Cosby Admits to Slipping Pills to Subway's Jared Fogle

Bill Cosby Admits to Slipping Pills to Subway’s Jared Fogle

Although he has denied ever drugging or raping any women, Bill Cosby has now admitted to purchasing and using date rape drugs on Subway’s spokesperson Jared Fogle. The shocking admission of guilt has left child pornography suspect Jared Fogle in the clear, but also with many questions… Continue reading Bill Cosby Admits to Slipping Pills to Subway’s Jared Fogle

Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’

“After listening to Cher’s pitch we had a meeting of the minds at Facebook headquarters,” stated Zuckerberg. “The adjustments we are slated to make will not change the user experience overall, but simply help Cher to increase her marketability. The move was a no-brainer on the whole.” Continue reading Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’

Michelle Obama to Push Spanish Characters into American-English Alphabet

Michelle Obama described the move Tuesday evening while dining at Oyamel Cocina Mexicana – one of the premiere Mexican dining establishments in D.C.

“The Spanish alphabet is not far-off from that of what most English speaking Americans are used to,” Michelle Obama said, “Plus, this can actually be looked at as a fun…” Continue reading Michelle Obama to Push Spanish Characters into American-English Alphabet