Maggie Haberman’s new book “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America” reveals that throughout the Trump presidency White House staff would find documents clogging the toilet adjacent to the Oval Office – sometimes resulting in the flooding of the office itself.
“Mr. Trump would collect papers he wanted to flush on the corner of his desk and then, when he had to poop, he would stuff them in the toilet and defecate on top of the papers – making it nearly impossible to read the documents and even harder on plumbers to unclog the toilet,” former Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani confirmed. “It’s something that happened at least 100 times during his presidency, but we all do it.”
Meanwhile, conservatives are offering other reasons for why Trump may have flushed official documents down the toilet.
“It’s pretty straightforward to anyone with half a brain,” Tucker Carlson tweeted. “It’s so obvious that the White House ran out of toilet paper during the so-called “pandemic” just like almost everyone else. This is a non-story!”
Others on Trump’s staff also weighed in.
“This clearly explains why president Trump said that Americans have to flush the toilet ‘10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once’,” Kellyanne Conway stated. “He’s not crazy, he’s just speaking from personal experience.”
According to White House staff, the former president would get unreasonably frustrated when the official documents wouldn’t flush.
“Bad hombre! Bad hombre!” Trump could be heard shouting at the clogged papers and feces while vigorously plunging the toilet. “Go where you belong!”
As background, the toilet in question is located just off the Oval Office on the opposite side from the Rose Garden. It’s the President’s private bathroom. Notably, Secret Service installed a peephole on the restroom door that looked into the room so they could check on Trump if he had been on the toilet for an abnormally long time.
“We’d all do rock, paper, scissors to see who had to check on the president,” one Secret Service member confirmed. “Sometimes he’d spend an hour trying to shove the papers down the pipes, other times he would be standing naked looking in the mirror and crying. Weird guy.”
“Once Trump had an argument with the visiting Prime Minister of Italy regarding who was going to use the Oval Office restroom first,” the Secret Service member added. “Trump took so long that the Prime Minister peed his pants.”
Legal experts say that removing or concealing government records is a criminal offense punishable by up to three years in prison. Yet, as of press time, nobody was prepared to do anything about it.