In an effort to eradicate “woke entertainment,” while testing new laws that would “get rid of race mixing,” Florida Governor Ron DeSantis admitted today that he was behind the effort to airdrop 252 non-white, stolen dolls from Disney World’s iconic It’s a Small World ride onto the White House roof and lawn.
“We all know that It’s a Small World was barely divided by cultural groupings, but they weren’t separated enough – the whites and the colored ones, that is.” DeSantis grinned. “You shouldn’t have to see so many skin tones in one place. It’s a sensory overload on any reasonable brain.”
DeSantis says the State of Florida paid Vertol Systems Inc. – an aircraft solutions provider – over $3 million to transport the dolls to Washington D.C. That’s $12,300 per doll.
DeSantis described the flights and airdrop as “voluntary,” while speaking at a press conference, despite reports that he may have tried to lure the dolls with false promises of employment and a better life.
DeSantis said the dolls were identified as wanting to relocate to Washington D.C. before they all signed release forms to be parachuted over the White House.
In a transparent effort to maintain objectivity, the mainstream media’s narrative remains that it is unclear whether or not there was actual consent from the dolls.
“They’re Biden’s problem now,” DeSantis laughed while being handcuffs for the theft of over $55 million worth of Disney’s one-of-a-kind, antique marionettes and dolls. “Good luck dealing with the repercussions of your actions, sleepy Joe!”
Meanwhile, the ACLU released a statement in which they offered to represent the dolls for free.
“We firmly believe that every single doll on that plane has grounds to sue as a direct result of being transported by Governor DeSantis,” the press release confirmed.
As of press time DeSantis claimed that he hadn’t committed any crimes, but he also pardoned himself “just in case” but only in order to “protect himself from the woke mob.”