In a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court ruled today that satire is now illegal in the United States, stating that it “no longer serves its original purpose due to reality moving far beyond that of rational thought.”
“The use of exaggeration and irony to expose and criticize will no longer be allowed,” the expletive-ridden majority opinion read. “We must rule this way because, unfortunately, everything in our world is now un-fucking-believable. On top of this, since the general public already has a hard enough time telling their own ass from a hole in the ground, we don’t need to add to the confusion when absolutely nothing can be considered far-fetched anymore.”
As of press time, satire sites were happy to shut down, with The Onion admitting that “it was getting excruciatingly difficult trying to come up with stories while actual journalists were basically writing the same things by simply covering the real world.”
Photo credit Joe Ravi, CC-BY-SA 3.0