Yale Study Says Farting Burns More Calories Than Working Out
“If friendship and odors don’t matter to you, then you could really get in great shape.” Continue reading Yale Study Says Farting Burns More Calories Than Working Out
Category: Health & Wellness
Local Man Uses Catheter So He Doesn’t Miss Any Part of Avengers: Endgame
“Overall, I’d give the movie 5-stars,” Kellner stated. Continue reading Local Man Uses Catheter So He Doesn’t Miss Any Part of Avengers: Endgame
Tostitos Releases Extreme Mild Salsa For White People
Tostitos describes their new Extreme Mild Clear Salsa for White People® as being a thick, gelatinous substance for those with genetic spice sensitivities. Continue reading Tostitos Releases Extreme Mild Salsa For White People
Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max. Continue reading Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly
Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.” Continue reading Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
Johnson & Johnson Releases New ‘Extra Tears’ Baby Shampoo
Johnson & Johnson is introducing the product after research proved that about 87% of parents were looking for ways to “get back at their babies” – in a fairly harmless way – for the countless sleepless nights, spit-ups, disgusting diapers, nasty farts and constant fussing.” Continue reading Johnson & Johnson Releases New ‘Extra Tears’ Baby Shampoo
Frustrated Waldo From ‘Where’s Waldo?’ Books Just Wants to Jerk Off in Peace
Back in 1987, the distinctively dressed Waldo set out to have a quick, private wank. Now, 33 years later, what was supposed to be a five minute meat beating bonanza, has turned into a world-wide journey in search of a place to rub one out. Continue reading Frustrated Waldo From ‘Where’s Waldo?’ Books Just Wants to Jerk Off in Peace
Disgusting Lactose Intolerant People Emit the Same Amount of Methane as Dairy Cows
“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung Continue reading Disgusting Lactose Intolerant People Emit the Same Amount of Methane as Dairy Cows
Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution
Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans. Continue reading Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution
Weird Tech: Watch the Life Story of Animals as You Eat Them
“Unless Redbox starts squeezing out moist, two-year-old prosciutto with every DVD, I have no idea how they’re going to compete with this.” Continue reading Weird Tech: Watch the Life Story of Animals as You Eat Them
Mueller Report Says President Trump has a Severe Flatulence Problem
“It’s not uncommon for the President to fart himself awake. Then, when he can’t fall back asleep, Mr. Trump passes the time on Twitter.” Continue reading Mueller Report Says President Trump has a Severe Flatulence Problem
Pope Francis Demands Every Dirty Detail on Sexual Abuse for His Adult Fantasy Novel
Pope Francis’ adult book is entitled ‘The Divinci Load.’ Continue reading Pope Francis Demands Every Dirty Detail on Sexual Abuse for His Adult Fantasy Novel
Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate
“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi Continue reading Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate
Trump Eats 17 McDonald’s Apple Pies for Pi Day
“Mr. Trump rationalized eating 17 apple pies before vomiting all over himself and his desk. It makes sense to us, but we don’t expect the mainstream media to get it.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continue reading Trump Eats 17 McDonald’s Apple Pies for Pi Day
Victoria’s Secret: Cube-Shaped Bras and Breasts Are ‘Trend of The Future’
“Sqoobz aren’t comfortable to wear by any means. Your tits will be flopping around in there.” – Victoria’s Secret CEO Jan Singer Continue reading Victoria’s Secret: Cube-Shaped Bras and Breasts Are ‘Trend of The Future’
Prego Under Fire for New Afterbirth-Style Pasta Sauce
Campbell’s reports selling over 1.2 tons of Prego Afterbirth-Style pasta sauce in the first week. Continue reading Prego Under Fire for New Afterbirth-Style Pasta Sauce
Americans Shatter Book-Burning Record on Read Across America Day
“In retrospect, I picked the wrong book to read to them.” Louisiana Governor John Edwards stated. “I chose Seuss’ first published work The Pocket Book of Boners and by the time I finished reading the title all hell had broken loose.” Continue reading Americans Shatter Book-Burning Record on Read Across America Day
Trump is Building a ‘Golden, Mansion-Style Prison’
Trump said that the new complex would be “an experiment representing a new approach for overhauling the prison system and has nothing to do with Michael Cohen’s testimony.” Continue reading Trump is Building a ‘Golden, Mansion-Style Prison’