Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate

Yesterday’s terror attack was the final straw for American politicians who moved forward with a law today that would ban extremists in the United States.

In just one day lawmakers complied a list of groups in America to either ban or monitor. Here’s the banned list:

Aryan Nations


Army of God

Jewish Defense League

The Kardashians

Ku Klux Klan




Boko Haram

Boca Burgers

Members of these groups will be banned. Anyone who vocalizes support of the listed groups will become a ‘stupid person of interest’ that the government will monitor.

Lawmakers admit that the law will disproportionally impact white Christian males because they carry out the vast majority of attacks on US soil.

The government will monitor people who are potential threats in partnership with Google, Apple and other tech companies by giving people of concern several free electronic devices.

“If you’re a suspicious person in the eyes of the government, you can expect to receive at least $2,000 worth of free smart technology,” Nancy Pelosi stated. “If you’re banned, however, you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey. This will be where most of the east coast will be putting their garbage from here on out. The island will grow with the population.”

With the House and Senate passing the bill, it is now up to President Trump to decide if he will knowingly ban thousands of his own supporters with one signature.

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