Pope Francis announced today that he wants all sexual abuse reported to him for creative writing inspiration as he completes his first adult book.
“It’s really hard to get police reports or testimonies from priests who are thrown in jail,” Francis stated. “So in-person retelling of the encounter is key here.”
The Catholic Church also confirmed that any clergy offering lackluster stories will be reassigned to another diocese until they can “provide something of value for the novel” which has the working title The Divinci Load.