Waldo from the beloved Where’s Waldo? children’s books just wants to find a place to jerk off in peace.
Back in 1987, the distinctively dressed Waldo set out to have a quick, private wank. Now, 33 years later, what was supposed to be a five minute meat beating bonanza, has turned into a world-wide journey in search of a place to rub one out.
Those who have followed Waldo’s saga may have noticed hints of his plight as he’s equipped with 12 items to help him on his travels, including: a walking stick, kettle, Lubriderm® lotion, a mallet, Fleshlight, cup, backpack, sleeping bag, binoculars, camera, snorkel, belt and Kleenex® tissues.
Waldo and his blue balls travel to wondrous places such as Disneyland and the Great Wall of China. In times of desperation he will resort to back alleyways of red light districts, the bath houses of New York City and a rancid stall in a dirty Santa Monica Beach public bathroom – all to find somewhere to celebrate a Personal Palm Sunday.
Those familiar with the Where’s Waldo books know that readers are asked to scour the detailed illustrations to locate the sexually frustrated traveler before he reaches orgasm. Each scene is accompanied by a postcard made by Waldo begging the reader to just let him Whiteout the page already.
Tragically, Waldo cannot crank on the hairless love puppet while the book is closed as it would crush his sizable boner.
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Photo credit Fjmustak