Greenpeace Tells Americans: “Wipe Your Butts With Your Hands”

“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”


Disgusting Lactose Intolerant People Emit the Same Amount of Methane as Dairy Cows

“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung

Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.”

Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation


We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump

Bewildered Hurricane Responders Begin Arduous Task of ‘Moving Everything 10 Feet to the Right’


“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated.

Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast


“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.”

%d bloggers like this: