Trump Asks If Louisiana Is Part Of US Before Taking Away FEMA Funding

YouReadyGrandma

Hours before Category 4 Hurricane Laura was expected to make landfall, president Trump was asked by FEMA for more disaster relief funds. Having explained to the president the predicted devastation from the powerful storm, FEMA leaders said they were bewildered by Trump’s response. “The president asked where the storm was hitting and one of his aides told him ‘Louisiana,’ to which Trump asked ‘Is that part of the the United States?’” FEMA Administrator Peter Gaynor stated. According to Gaynor, the president then continued to ask, “So it’s an island, like Puerto Rico then? Does it have jungles?” “Aides explained to Trump that there wasn’t a jungle in Louisiana and that it also wasn’t an island, but that there are swamps and alligators,” Gaynor stated. “The president replied ‘You know I don’t like swamps’ and then told his staff to ‘get the paperwork ready’ to take a few billion dollars away from FEMA and give it to the border patrol.“ As of press time FEMA was drastically underfunded and ill-prepared for handling Hurricane Laura. Meanwhile, Trump was getting ready to proudly proclaim his handling of Laura to be “tremendous” and “better than Obama’s Katrina disaster.”

Greenpeace Tells Americans: “Wipe Your Butts With Your Hands”

YouReadyGrandma

“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”

Disgusting Lactose Intolerant People Emit the Same Amount of Methane as Dairy Cows

YouReadyGrandma

“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung

Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

YouReadyGrandma

“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.”

Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation

YouReadyGrandma

We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump

Bewildered Hurricane Responders Begin Arduous Task of ‘Moving Everything 10 Feet to the Right’

YouReadyGrandma

“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated.

Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast

YouReadyGrandma

“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.”

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