Local Man Uses Catheter So He Doesn’t Miss Any Part of Avengers: Endgame

Brian Kellner of Columbus, Ohio and six of his friends wore catheters to last night’s 8:10 showing of Avengers: Endgame to ensure that they wouldn’t have to get up to drain their infinity stones during the three hour and twenty minute movie.

“Having the catheters was a no-brainer,” Kellner stated. “I drank two 64oz Sprites and didn’t get up once.”

One mistake that Keller and his friends made is that they funneled all of the catheters into a single, 13-gallon garbage bag.

“We had to leave the bag under the seats after the movie because it was too loaded down with urine to move. As we left, Steve’s shoe caught on the bag and it tore open.” Kellner stated. “We were sitting in the very top row so when the pee spilled out it was like the elevator from The Shining had opened up, but instead of blood pouring out, it was hot yellow piss. Everyone below us got soaked.”

Kellner says he was happy he could watch the movie in its entirety without any disruption.

“Overall, I’d give the movie 5-stars,” Kellner confirmed.

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