After being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, conservatives everywhere are calling Greta Thunberg’s success the first known case of white privilege. The 16-year old Sweed with Asperger’s has been a leading voice in climate change activism. “This is the first instance of white privilege and Miss Thunberg is patient zero,” Senator Mitch McConnell stated. “This rich, straight, white teenager is sailing the world, skipping school, and still somehow complaining about everything and anything. She must be stopped.” Conservatives say their main concern is figuring out how Thunberg’s actions are benefiting her. “It’s alarming that anyone’s skin color or wealth could give them an advantage,” McConnell stated. “But what’s more troubling is not knowing why she’s doing it. Does she own a wind farm?” Advertisements
“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max.
“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung