Americans Shatter Book-Burning Record on Read Across America Day

After yet another failed attempt to promote education through reading, Americans have fallen into complete and utter chaos for the 22nd year in a row.

The almost immediate failure began in the state of Louisiana where citizens collectively rioted over the title of a Dr. Seuss book.

“In retrospect, I picked the wrong book to read to them.” Louisiana Governor John Edwards stated. “I chose Seuss’ first published work The Pocket Book of Boners and by the time I finished reading the title all hell had broken loose.”

Within minutes a chain reaction of mass book-burnings set off across the state; with phallic titles such as Moby-Dick, Hop on Pop, and The Fountainhead taking the initial brunt before spreading to “essentially everything that wasn’t the Bible.”

“Context is key,” Edwards stated. “And when you’re unable comprehend words frustration quickly turns into anger; so I’ll be apologizing for talking about boners tomorrow. It’s just easier than offering an explanation.”

At publication time, the book burnings had already spread across Louisiana and throughout much of Mississippi, Alabama and Texas; claiming more than 33,000 books.

“It’s not like we were reading them, but they were nice to have,” Edwards concluded.

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Photo credit Alan Levine

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