Farmers are equipping animals with GPS tracking and retina cameras so that consumers can learn the life story of their meat. The information is taken and summarized on the packaging so shoppers can know more about the animal they will be eating. For an additional $5, you can download a professionally produced movie that artfully depicts the animal’s entire life.
Consumers can expect the new meet-your-meat feature to hit their local grocery store soon, if it hasn’t already.
“What Do You Think?…”
Sal Venitiero, Contemplation Enthusiast
“I actually tried this the other day. As I ate, I found out that I was consuming a rooster that was sold as chicken meat. His name was Kevin and he used to be a cock-fighting star. Kevin came out of retirement in an attempt to pay for his kid’s cancer treatment, but lost to Cluck Norris. I was sobbing as I finished eating my Rooster Parmigiano. Now that’s the kind of story that makes you savor every goddamned bite. R.I.P. Kevin.”
“Oh great, more cameras! What could possibly go wrong in an Animal Farm literally meets Nineteen Eighty-Four scenario?”
As of press time, ZhongAn Online – a Chinese company – had already outfit over 100,000 Chinese dogs and cats with cameras and trackers. Americans visiting China say these animals’ life stories are so depressing they make Marley & Me feel like a Bob Marley concert.
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