In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is “possessed by a demon,” following the Vatican leader’s condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies
In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trump’s second inauguration — held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold — allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Musk’s … Continue reading Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration
In a bold counter to Elon Musk’s ‘Cash for Votes’ scheme, Kamala Harris has introduced an innovative idea: complete student loan forgiveness for anyone living in a swing state that she wins during the Presidential election. “Those in key swing … Continue reading Kamala Harris Announces Student Loan Forgiveness For All Residents In Swing States She Wins
Trump added that babies from Scandinavian countries would be automatically exempt from testing, claiming, “They have great genes—very clean, very hardworking. But we’ll be keeping a close eye on the others.” Continue reading Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’
Donald Trump claims to have narrowly survived 13 assassination attempts within 24 hours at the hands of Taylor Swift fans. The chaos began several hours after Trump posted, “I hate Taylor Swift,” on social media, igniting a firestorm online that … Continue reading Taylor Swift Tells Swifties “Stand Back & Stand By” After Trump Survives 13 Assassination Attempts in 24 Hours
In a shocking turn of events, J.D. Vance has abruptly ended his bid to be Donald Trump’s vice-presidential running mate upon discovering a crucial piece of … Continue reading JD Vance Drops Out As VP After Learning Trump Isn’t Oversized, Rustic Burnt Sienna Love Seat
Presidential candidate Tom Steyer took the stage with Marilyn Manson in South Carolina today, just a day after white-boy twerking on stage with Juvenile to ‘Back That Ass Up’. Notably, Steyer sang the chorus to Manson’s chart-topping song ‘This is … Continue reading Tom Steyer Sings, Dances on Stage With Marilyn Manson to ‘This is The New Sh*t’
Several presidential candidates have been funneling donations into private health savings accounts in order to pay for their personal healthcare and medical bills as they inch closer and closer to death each day. Donald Trump, age 73, lead in fundraising … Continue reading Elderly presidential candidates use millions in donations to pay for their personal medical bills
After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. … Continue reading Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage
“I saw the whole thing. Very odd, very sad.” – Senator Bernie Sanders Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Drinks Six Beers, Then Drunkenly Proposes a Warren-Sanders Presidential Ticket on Live TV
“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.” Continue reading Ghost of John McCain Announces 2020 Presidential Bid
“I’m running because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.” Continue reading Robert Mueller Announces Presidential Bid to Take Down Trump
“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring
Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase. Continue reading Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”
“I have never been more turned on in my life.” – Juliet Moore, Bernie Sanders Supporter Continue reading Fired-Up Bernie Sanders Sprouts Huge Mustache During Campaign Rally
The Senator began the livestream by saying “Hold on a sec, I’m going to go grab my bong,” before exiting the shot and flipping on ‘Kaya’ by Bob Marley. Continue reading Down-to-Earth Elizabeth Warren Hits Rick and Morty Bong on Instagram Livestream
Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character. Continue reading Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win… Continue reading The Case for Kasich: How He’ll Be The Nominee
