Robert Mueller Announces Presidential Bid to Take Down Trump

Robert Mueller bowed out as FBI Director today and immediately announced his run for President of the United States as Trump’s only Republican challenger.

“I’ve got shit-ton of dirt on this clown,” a stone cold Mueller stated, “and you’ll get the full report through the debates.”

“So no questions today.” Mueller boomed with a cold, piercing stare before audibly cracking his neck to the left and then right.

Glaring and pointing directly at the camera, Mueller continued.

“I’m running for president because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.

Mueller’s campaign will be managed by Hillary Clinton who says their approach will be “swift and merciless.”

“Donald is – by all accounts – unequivocally fucked.” Clinton confirmed via private email.

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