President Trump announced today that he may not participate in the 2020 Presidential Debates after realizing that he’s used up every last one of his best words. “I’ve said ’em all folks. All of my best, most tremendous words. Every single one of them,” Trump stated. “Bigly, Nazzies, yuge, Chjy-na, covfefe; and anything I tried to say while my dentures were falling out. That’s all I got.”
Joe Biden announced his plan at the Democratic Debate last night to enhance learning opportunities for underprivileged children. The former vice president says, if elected, he’ll be providing everyone with a free gramophone and educational vinyl records that explain why modern day racial inequality “isn’t all that bad.” Photo credit Jalal gerald Aro
“I saw the whole thing. Very odd, very sad.” – Senator Bernie Sanders
“The hardest part for candidates will be trying not to laugh at the very things they claim to find offensive.”
After weeks of back-and-forth rhetoric, Hillary Clinton has finally agreed to debate Bernie Sanders. The Hillary Clinton/DNC Campaign has generously offered several dates, times, and locations for the two to clash – including some specific rules. Option #1: During the NCAA Championship game on April 4th, 2016. Debate Rules: The debate cannot begin before the game starts. The candidates will pause all debating during commercial breaks of the game. If, at any point, one team is leading by more than 7 points in the college basketball game, the debate itself will go to an indefinite commercial break. The debate will be pay-per-view with a $250,000 per-home viewership package. All proceeds will go toward the Hillary Clinton campaign. No transcripts of what is said are allowed to be released. Option #2: Yesterday. Debate Rules: Bernie Sanders has to go on live, national television and apologize to Hillary for not showing up to yesterday’s debate, which she agreed to have today. He will apologize for his tone and the media will be required to cover the whole speech – giving Bernie Sanders the most airtime he’s ever seen. Option #3: November 8th, 2016 Debate Rules: None. Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook page.
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