BREAKING: (D.C.) In an unprecedented judicial move, the United States Supreme Court has just used its power to halt the 2016 Presidential election on the grounds of an obscure, little-known, yet legitimate measure found in The U.S. Constitution. With one seat still vacant in the court, the 8-0 vote passed in the late hours of Saturday night. The no-confidence ruling will result in at least one more year with Barack Obama serving as Commander In Chief – all while the United States’ population will have to go through another election cycle that will allow neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump to run. Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook page.
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a loss. There’s no doubt about it,” stated Ryan. “We have hundreds of thousands – millions maybe – of people that support our party. Naturally, we cannot take the shooting of Donald lightly, but you have to understand that we cannot take a risk with someone like him. There’s no way to get the country back from such a gorilla of a man,” stated Ryan. “That being said, we are very happy that the country will be okay. Sure, the Monday morning quarterbacks are going to have opinions, but these are hard calls and the safety of the country is paramount,” said Ryan. Speaker Ryan then concluded his statement on MSNBC, “Overall, it was a terrible, tragic occurrence, much like his entire campaign and the fact that people voted for him. But, when we saw him toying with the future of our children, we had to end him. End it all. Hopefully we can all move on and forget that he ever existed.” The majority of politicians and experts from all over the world responded to the decision with much praise and joy, including President Hollande of France. “Moving forward we hope that America plans to have very different enclosures for potential candidates so that child-like voters cannot venture into a dangerous situation like we have seen here in the 2016 election,” stated Hollande. As of right now, the Democratic National Committee has yet to comment on whether or not they plan to kill either Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders, but they do confirm that they want to find a “peaceful way” to put Debbie Wasserman Schultz to rest. Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook page.
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win…
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump…
After weeks of back-and-forth rhetoric, Hillary Clinton has finally agreed to debate Bernie Sanders. The Hillary Clinton/DNC Campaign has generously offered several dates, times, and locations for the two to clash – including some specific rules. Option #1: During the NCAA Championship game on April 4th, 2016. Debate Rules: The debate cannot begin before the game starts. The candidates will pause all debating during commercial breaks of the game. If, at any point, one team is leading by more than 7 points in the college basketball game, the debate itself will go to an indefinite commercial break. The debate will be pay-per-view with a $250,000 per-home viewership package. All proceeds will go toward the Hillary Clinton campaign. No transcripts of what is said are allowed to be released. Option #2: Yesterday. Debate Rules: Bernie Sanders has to go on live, national television and apologize to Hillary for not showing up to yesterday’s debate, which she agreed to have today. He will apologize for his tone and the media will be required to cover the whole speech – giving Bernie Sanders the most airtime he’s ever seen. Option #3: November 8th, 2016 Debate Rules: None. Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook page.
American psychologists assessed IQ’s of Presidential Candidates #jeopardy
As the only news source to solely cover the Saturday Night Live skit – and the fact that Bill Clinton has lost it – the assumed Democratic frontrunner is condemning all news sources other than Fox News.