BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

President Donald Trump is set to join NFL legend Tom Brady in the broadcast booth for at least part of Super Bowl LIX, providing what he calls “the greatest, most tremendous live game analysis in history!” The surprise, last-minute announcement … Continue reading BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

Massive Recall Issued After Drivers Report Teslas Jerking Sharply To The Reich

Continue reading Massive Recall Issued After Drivers Report Teslas Jerking Sharply To The Reich

Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration

In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trump’s second inauguration — held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold — allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Musk’s … Continue reading Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration

UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’

In a bold move to address escalating tensions between Americans and the healthcare industry, UnitedHealth Group has announced a groundbreaking partnership with gun retailers and the National Rifle Association (NRA). The initiative offers steep discounts on premiums and bills to gun owners, … Continue reading UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’

Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

In a stunning reversal, former President Donald Trump announced today that he was rescinding his appointment of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, citing what he called a “small misreading of handwritten notes.” “I didn’t mean the Attorney General,” Trump clarified in … Continue reading Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

Kamala Harris Announces Student Loan Forgiveness For All Residents In Swing States She Wins

In a bold counter to Elon Musk’s ‘Cash for Votes’ scheme, Kamala Harris has introduced an innovative idea: complete student loan forgiveness for anyone living in a swing state that she wins during the Presidential election. “Those in key swing … Continue reading Kamala Harris Announces Student Loan Forgiveness For All Residents In Swing States She Wins

Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’

Trump added that babies from Scandinavian countries would be automatically exempt from testing, claiming, “They have great genes—very clean, very hardworking. But we’ll be keeping a close eye on the others.” Continue reading Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’

Proving America Isn’t Purely Capitalistic: Why Republicans Hate Hearing It and How Their Resistance Leaves Us Lagging Behind Other Democratic Socialist Countries in Healthcare

Ever noticed how America, despite its capitalist roots, isn’t purely capitalistic? Our economy blends elements of capitalism with robust socialist programs like Social Security and Medicare, designed to provide essential safety nets. However, our healthcare system statistically lags behind other … Continue reading Proving America Isn’t Purely Capitalistic: Why Republicans Hate Hearing It and How Their Resistance Leaves Us Lagging Behind Other Democratic Socialist Countries in Healthcare

Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican

The very brave, former Democrat Krysten Sinema decided to admit to her colleagues today that she is, in fact, an independent. “This may come as a shock to some,” Sinema stated. “But I cannot be more honest when I say … Continue reading Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican

New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Elon Musk announced today that the remaining 17 employees at Twitter have been working day and night to finish a software update that will help users to insult other people on the platform with more creativity. “It’s kind of like … Continue reading New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Brittney Griner Forced To Stand For 10 National Anthems, Say 25 Pledges of Allegiance & Announce That ‘All Lives Matter’ Before Every WNBA Game In Exchange For Freedom

Republicans refused to cooperate with President Biden’s attempts to free WNBA star Brittney Griner from Russian prison until he agreed that she will be required to stand for 10 national anthems, say 25 pledges of allegiance, and announce that “All … Continue reading Brittney Griner Forced To Stand For 10 National Anthems, Say 25 Pledges of Allegiance & Announce That ‘All Lives Matter’ Before Every WNBA Game In Exchange For Freedom

Man Who Says US Is Greatest Country On Earth Can’t Step Out Front Door Without Being Armed For Combat

(Milwaukee, WI) Local man James Fielder, who firmly believes that the United States is the best country on the planet, refuses to ever leave his house without bringing at least two guns with him. “I carry these weapons in public … Continue reading Man Who Says US Is Greatest Country On Earth Can’t Step Out Front Door Without Being Armed For Combat

Matt Gaetz Dating 16 year old abortion florida judge roe v wade

FL Court Says 16-Year-Old ‘Too Immature’ To Have Abortion, But Old Enough To Date Matt Gaetz

A 16-Year-Old who is in the care of Florida child welfare authorities has been told that she “lacks the maturity” to have an abortion, but that she is “old enough” to date US House representative Matt Gaetz. The ruling was … Continue reading FL Court Says 16-Year-Old ‘Too Immature’ To Have Abortion, But Old Enough To Date Matt Gaetz

Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Most Republicans in Congress have decided against attending today’s State of the Union. The decision came after they realized that – due to the Russian ruble’s drop in value – they’re suddenly broke and unable to buy new clothes for … Continue reading Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union