Trump Only Aware Of His Own System Of (Bounced) Checks & (Negative Account) Balances

Despite being president for four years, Donald Trump made it clear today that he still doesn’t know how the US government operates. Trump is livid that Brett Kavanaugh – who he nominated to the position of Supreme Court justice – … Continue reading Trump Only Aware Of His Own System Of (Bounced) Checks & (Negative Account) Balances

New AZ Law Would Require Minorities To Complete Obstacle Course Before Casting Vote

Supreme Court: AZ Law Requiring Minorities To Complete Obstacle Course Before Voting Is Constitutional

The United States Supreme Court ruled today that an Arizona law requiring minorities to complete an obstacle course before voting is constitutional. Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion in the 6-3 decision. “It’s perfectly acceptable for minorities, the elderly and … Continue reading Supreme Court: AZ Law Requiring Minorities To Complete Obstacle Course Before Voting Is Constitutional

democrats form commission to determine how republicans can live with themselves

Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves

Bewildered by their political counterparts, Senate Democrats voted today to form a new commission that will hopefully help them to understand exactly how Republicans are able to live with themselves. Referred to as the F.A.C.T.S. Commission – short for Finding … Continue reading Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves

'Saying No To The Commission Doesn't Mean You're Guilty' McConnell Chants At Hypnotized Republicans

‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission. “Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies … Continue reading ‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

capitol stormers wish theyd worn hoods like grandparents used to

Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

Citing a lack of anonymity as being their primary mistake, countless arrested domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol now say they regret not wearing white, pointy hoods like their grandparents had during riots past. “Collectively, we should have learned from … Continue reading Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

Trump I can stop whenever i want doubles down on recount

‘I Can Stop Anytime I Want!’ Shouts Trump While Using Last of His Money to Double Down on Recounts

A desperate, broke Donald Trump was overheard shouting “C’mon baby! Donny needs a new set of results!” as he rolled the dice again by sending yet another $3 million to Wisconsin to recount votes for a second time. “The president … Continue reading ‘I Can Stop Anytime I Want!’ Shouts Trump While Using Last of His Money to Double Down on Recounts

First Lady Announces Final Phase of ‘Be Best’ Program is Voting Donald Trump Out of Office

In a shocking move today, First Lady Melania Trump announced that her ‘Be Best’ program against bullying has reached its surprise, final phase: voting Donald Trump out of office. “My fellow Americans. The time has come to teach the biggest … Continue reading First Lady Announces Final Phase of ‘Be Best’ Program is Voting Donald Trump Out of Office

Trump Sabotages USPS, Proving That Widespread Mail-In Voting Fraud is Possible

President Trump has finally proven that mail-in voting is prone to meddling by standing against desperately-needed funding for the struggling United States Postal Service that would allow the US to run an efficient election. Notably, Trump’s actions come just in … Continue reading Trump Sabotages USPS, Proving That Widespread Mail-In Voting Fraud is Possible

Useless Man Who Tells Everyone Voting is Pointless Spends Hours Debating Politics Online

Standing by the claim that “it’s all a huge, pointless waste of time to vote,” 31-year-old David Braun of Topeka, Kansas has been spending countless hours of his life debating politics with strangers online. “I can’t believe that people are … Continue reading Useless Man Who Tells Everyone Voting is Pointless Spends Hours Debating Politics Online

Supreme Court Ruling Pushes Nation Dangerously Close to Becoming a Real Democracy

The United States Supreme Court ruled this morning that states can now punish Electoral College members that don’t vote for the candidate who wins statewide presidential balloting. The news comes after the young country just celebrated its 244th year as … Continue reading Supreme Court Ruling Pushes Nation Dangerously Close to Becoming a Real Democracy

Kentucky Moves Only Louisville Voting Machine ‘Somewhere Inside of Mammoth Cave’

Kentucky election officials stunned voters this morning when they announced that the only functioning voting machine for Louisville had been relocated “somewhere inside of Mammoth Cave” – the world’s longest cave system. Officials say that malfunctioning equipment and understaffing lead … Continue reading Kentucky Moves Only Louisville Voting Machine ‘Somewhere Inside of Mammoth Cave’

Gov. Kemp Denies Voter Suppression After Moving Polling Place to Offshore Oil Rig

Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is likely to face charges for voter suppression after he deliberately moved a predominately Democrat polling place to an oil rig located 17 miles off the coast of Georgia. During a lunchtime press conference the governor … Continue reading Gov. Kemp Denies Voter Suppression After Moving Polling Place to Offshore Oil Rig

‘If You Like Your Skin Color, You Can Keep It’ Trump Reassures Black Supporters

After a morning interview in which former Vice President Joe Biden told black Americans “you ain’t black” if you are voting for Trump, president Trump fired back with two tweets, drawing a sharp contrast between the two candidates. Continue reading ‘If You Like Your Skin Color, You Can Keep It’ Trump Reassures Black Supporters

Fuckery Nevada Voting App Will First Be Beta Tested During the Caucus

Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus

The Democratic Party will use yet another untested software in Nevada’s upcoming February 22nd caucus and many are concerned that the errors which surrounded deployment of the Iowa caucus app are being repeated once again. Countless caucus volunteers fear a … Continue reading Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus

Liberals glad trump was putins little bitch after hypersonic weapon announced

Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon

President Trump’s approval rating amongst the left jumped from 7.2% to 42.7% after Russian President Vladimir Putin announced a new, deadly, and unmatched hypersonic weapon yesterday. Democrats now admit that Trump’s submissive and subservient approach with Russia makes perfect sense. … Continue reading Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon

Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian

A Georgia judge appointed by President Obama has ruled that the state can print their 2020 ballots in Russian. The ruling also struck down the use of archaic voting machines. “Since our electronic voting system is atrociously outdated and incredibly … Continue reading Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian