San Francisco Legalizes Post-Birth Abortions Due To Baby Formula Shortage

Shortages of baby formula are impacting parents across the country. Due to these conditions, San Francisco is now allowing parents to abort their kids after they have already been born. “This move comes in anticipation of babies dying of starvation,” … Continue reading San Francisco Legalizes Post-Birth Abortions Due To Baby Formula Shortage

Empty Seats At State Of The Union Filled With Angry, Blow-Up Putins So That Biden Still Gets Exact Same Reactions

Democrats are filling the empty seats left open by Republicans for the State of the Union with blow up dolls that have angry Vladimir Putin faces taped to them. Notably, the large number of vacant seats is due to Republicans … Continue reading Empty Seats At State Of The Union Filled With Angry, Blow-Up Putins So That Biden Still Gets Exact Same Reactions

Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Most Republicans in Congress have decided against attending today’s State of the Union. The decision came after they realized that – due to the Russian ruble’s drop in value – they’re suddenly broke and unable to buy new clothes for … Continue reading Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Biden: Rising Sea Levels Could Be Prevented If We Stop Dumping Viagra In The Oceans

President Biden was asked by reporters today what he plans to do about studies saying that ocean levels are going to rise as much as they normally would in 100 years in just 30 years. “We gotta stop it. Period!” … Continue reading Biden: Rising Sea Levels Could Be Prevented If We Stop Dumping Viagra In The Oceans

Loud Biden Fart Makes Putin Smile For First Time In Years & Call Off Ukraine Invasion

President Joe Biden spoke with Russian president Vladimir Putin today in an effort to de-escalate incredibly high tensions surrounding what looked to be an inevitable invasion of Ukraine. As the two men were nearing the end of what seemed like … Continue reading Loud Biden Fart Makes Putin Smile For First Time In Years & Call Off Ukraine Invasion

A Furious Don Jr. Showed Up At Marco Rubio’s House After Biden Refused To Give Him A Free Crack Pipe

A fuming mad Donald Trump Jr. showed up unannounced at Marco Rubio’s West Miami house late Wednesday night after he figured out that the Florida senator had lied when he said Biden was giving out free meth and crack pipes. … Continue reading A Furious Don Jr. Showed Up At Marco Rubio’s House After Biden Refused To Give Him A Free Crack Pipe

BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday

President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday

Biden Down To Final Coin Flip To Determine Who He’ll Nominate To The Supreme Court

White House press secretary Jen Psaki accidentally told reporters today that President Joe Biden was selecting his nominee for Supreme Court justice by flipping a coin. “Mr. Biden will have a pick shortly. There’s just one more coin flip to … Continue reading Biden Down To Final Coin Flip To Determine Who He’ll Nominate To The Supreme Court

Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill

After admitting that he purposely collapsed an entire bridge in Pennsylvania injuring 10 people, President Joe Biden told a stunned crowd today that he’ll “fucking do it again” until the Republicans stop trying to take credit for Democrats passing the … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill

Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In 'Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment'

Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’

Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed … Continue reading Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’

Biden Justice Breyer ice cream retire ben and jerry

Biden Says He’ll Pack The Supreme Court With Ben & Jerry After Breyer Retires

The Supreme Court will soon have 10 members as Joe Biden announced today that he will be replacing the retiring justice Breyer with not one, but two justices. “When they told me I gotta replace Breyer I asked, ‘Why would … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Pack The Supreme Court With Ben & Jerry After Breyer Retires

Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’

Upon hearing that Joe Biden called Fox News journalist Peter Doocy a “stupid son of a bitch,” former president Donald Trump gave a public statement rebuking Biden. “We’ve got sleepy, creepy Joe being so rude, so unfair, so unpresidential,” Trump … Continue reading Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’

Ventilators Removed From Patients & Burned As Republicans Declare Pandemic Over

Several Republican members of Congress declared today that the Covid pandemic – which has caused nearly 800,000 deaths in the United States – is now over. As the news spread throughout the country, countless right wing hospital workers started removing … Continue reading Ventilators Removed From Patients & Burned As Republicans Declare Pandemic Over

Biden sends troops back to afghanistan to get oil

Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil

The US military is doing an about-face and heading back to Afghanistan after President Joe Biden suddenly remembered that the war-torn country has massive, untapped oil reserves. Biden says it would be “unconscionable” to not secure the oil. “It would … Continue reading Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil

Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes

President Joe Biden delivered a speech today in which he stated that if more insurrectionists wanted to try to take down the government that they would need weapons such as F-15’s and nukes to even have a chance against the … Continue reading Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes

Biden Says He'll 'Just Bring Some Wheat Thins' If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion

Biden Says He’ll ‘Just Bring Some Wheat Thins’ If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion

US Catholic bishops approved the creation of a new official document today that would ban politicians who support abortion rights from receiving Communion. President Joe Biden, who would be barred from the sacrament, gave a brief statement on the issue … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll ‘Just Bring Some Wheat Thins’ If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion

53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

A poll released today revealed that 53% of Republicans firmly believe that Donald Trump is currently the real president of the United States. What’s more, another 63% say he should still run again in 2024. But if Trump were truly … Continue reading 53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

Facebook Will Decide Whether Or Not To Reinstate Donald Trump Tomorrow Here's How Theyll Decide

Facebook Will Rule On Reinstatement Of Trump Tomorrow. Here’s How They’ll Decide

Facebook will make a controversial decision tomorrow: Will they reinstate former president Donald J. Trump, or permanently ban him from their platform? The social media giant initially banned Trump in January after he personally sparked a riot at the US … Continue reading Facebook Will Rule On Reinstatement Of Trump Tomorrow. Here’s How They’ll Decide