President Biden was asked by reporters today what he plans to do about studies saying that ocean levels are going to rise as much as they normally would in 100 years in just 30 years.
“We gotta stop it. Period!” Biden yelled, startling those nearby. “But at the same time we don’t want Atlantis to be exposed. That could easily start a war. Can you imagine? Awful, just awful.”
The president then paused to gather his thoughts.
“Look. The science is clear on this. Right now the ocean is engorged. There are sharks with boners.” Biden stated. “We need to stop dumping Viagra, Stendra, Cialis, and Levitra in the ocean. These all cause flow to the penis – err rather oceans – to increase substantially. This, in combination with climate change, can produce water levels sufficient to initiate devastating flooding.”
Biden also addressed the fact that the wealthy are still buying up coastal land and properties despite the rising sea levels.
“Don’t be fooled! They’ve got money to burn,” Biden smiled. “Just because the rich don’t seem phased doesn’t mean we can continue dumping penis pills into the oceans all whilly nilly.”
Reporters then asked where Biden got his data and information from.
“I wanted to understand how rising sea levels impact low-lying areas so I talked to two Kid Rock fans at an Arby’s near a stream in Bull Run just north of Manassas. Good people. Good stuff,” Biden smiled.