Mike Pence Banned From Grindr

“Our first guideline for all users is that you cannot use nude photos in your profile, so that was strike one.”

BREAKING: Supreme Court Cancels 2016 Election, Unanimously

BREAKING: (D.C.) In an unprecedented judicial move, the United States Supreme Court has just used its power to halt the 2016 Presidential election on the grounds of an obscure, little-known, yet legitimate measure found in The U.S. Constitution. With one seat still vacant in the court, the 8-0 vote passed in the late hours of…

Chris Christie Banned From Debates Until He Can Gain Self-Awareness

Grossly obese Republican Presidential candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been banned from further debates until he can become fully aware of both himself and the world around him. The ban, which was handed down by the Republican National Committee (RNC), came after he gave Air Force Brig. Gen. Michael Cunniff 90 days…