John Bolton’s mustache forced to resign as National Security Advisor

After months of clashing opinions on Iran, North Korea and Afghanistan, president Trump has asked John Bolton’s mustache to resign. “John’s mustache is big, bushy and beautiful. It tickles my nape,” Trump tweeted. “But it also picked Afghanistan-Iran-North Korea for our game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. The correct answer is always going to be fuck Afghanistan, marry Kim Jong-un, kill Iran. So the stache is out.” As of press time, Bolton’s mustache had already accepted a position as a contributor at FOX News. Photo by Gage Skidmore Advertisements

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Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

YouReadyGrandma

“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”

Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East

YouReadyGrandma

“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.”

Iran Talks: Obama to Allow One Nuclear Weapon Per Year

In an almost immediate response to Obama’s speech, a livid John Boehner was broadcast live on Fox News – interrupting portions of Megyn Kelly’s “The Kelly File” and…

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