Dennis Rodman, the former NBA star and longtime buddy of Kim Jong Un, announced today that he will be doing his deceased friend’s hair for his funeral. Rodman said he was contacted by North Korea and informed of the supreme leader’s wishes this morning.
North Korea has been hit with the toughest US sanctions yet after Kim Jong-un revealed he has an arsenal of insults from an 1811 English dictionary ready to launch at president Trump at a moment’s notice. “We’ve got flapdoodle, gibfaced hedge-creeper, and a jollocksed mutton shunter all locked and loaded,” Jong-un confirmed. “That pigeon-livered, rat-brained hornswoggler has no idea what’s coming!”
“There’s a lot of geography going on over there,” Trump stated. “So I’ll be aiming straight south so there’s no surprises.”
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
The movie reaches its tipping point when Damon’s children begin to ask why their favorite pig ‘Oinkers’ has gone missing.
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan:
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile.