Scientists End Debate: ‘Pineapple Belongs on Pizza if You Enjoy Pineapple on Pizza, You Shitheads’

“Science has confirmed that you all can shut the [expletive] up about it.”

Advertisements

Study: Guys Use 3X More Lotion Than Girls, and Yes, You Know Why

“At least 87% of lotion used by men is vigorously rubbed on less than 1% of their bodies.”

Your Accurate Horoscope For Today

“Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21) – You are feeling ecstatic and delighted inside – creating a real impact on those around you. Just go along with your…”

Greenpeace Tells Americans: “Wipe Your Butts With Your Hands”

“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”

Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor

“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”

The Science of The Butt Dial: How Your Booty Calls People Without You Knowing

“Contrary to popular belief, fingerlike appendages do not exit the butt and press on the phone screen, that’s poop you’re thinking of.”

Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails

“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.”

%d bloggers like this: