Unemployment plummets as thousands of Americans finally open up that Etsy store they've been talking about

The jobs report is in and unemployment has dipped to 3.5% after over 225,000 Americans finally made the dream of owning and operating their very own Etsy shop a reality. What do you think? Advertisements

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Nearly Nude: Trump drops his pants while celebrating National Cocaine Day

It’s the most productive day of the year: National Cocaine Day! Celebrated the first Wednesday of December, the US Labor Department says the holiday typically produces six times the normal work output. To mark the day, a fast-talking, wide-eyed president Trump delivered an energetic, rambling speech before inviting Mike Pence to snort a line of coke out of his ass crack on national television. “I’m going to drop ’em Mike!” Trump yelled while tugging down on his pants.” Before a bright red and sweaty Pence could reluctantly decline the offer, Trump had already yanked his pants off on the White House’s West Lawn; exposing his lightly soiled, off-white underwear.

Disgruntled LASIK surgeon might just cut straight through to the brain this time

Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist

YouReadyGrandma

With the Federal Election Commission vice chairman Matthew Petersen stepping down the FEC is effectively shutdown, leaving no one to enforce campaign finance law. Congress is now debating whether to approve $35 in funding to post a job on Craigslist or just let the 2020 election completely go to shit.

The most sought after jobs for Gen Z college grads are not what you’d think

YouReadyGrandma

Walmart Implants Elderly Greeters With Robotic Parts

YouReadyGrandma

“The geriatric cyborgs have two convenient USB ports allowing customers to charge their phones,” Walmart CEO Doug McMillon stated.

Meet the Worst Backseat Driver Ever: A Man Who Only Speaks in Idioms

“I’m going to open his door and push him into oncoming traffic tomorrow. [Expletive] this guy.”

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