There are no laws in the state of Wisconsin anymore after a shocking 4-3 decision by the state Supreme Court found today that none of the state’s laws, or even the constitution itself, are constitutional. In the majority opinion conservative justices argued that “a government body cannot confer on itself the power to dictate the lives of individuals without reaching beyond its own authority; only God can rule over man.” Upon the conclusion of their final ruling, the Wisconsin Supreme Court officially dissolved itself leaving citizens to fend for themselves.
John and Sarah Malbeck of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin say a rocking chair they inherited when they purchased their first home is haunted by an incredibly boring ghost. The chair, which has been in the basement since the couple moved in, has been seen rocking back and forth on its own on multiple occasions. “If you go downstairs, the chair may or may not start rocking,” John Malbeck stated “That’s it. That’s all that happens. We told you this wasn’t newsworthy.”
An elderly woman in Madison, Wisconsin named Margaret Newsome unknowingly spent the last seven years of her life living with a human who was dressed in a dog costume. Newsome’s family, who never visited her, became suspicious when several furries showed up to her funeral. The confirmation that something strange was going on came when the family later found multiple photos of the furry and Newsome framed in her house while they were going through her things. After days of investigation, authorities are still searching for their suspect and don’t have any leads. “The moral of the story here is call and spend time with your grandma,” Madison County Sheriff Doug Martin stated. “Or else there’s a decent chance that a stranger in a dog costume will.”
“Farmers are counting themselves lucky that residents will eat anything.”
“I think that my aunt needing 57 stitches in the buttcheeks and rectal region is a strong selling point for the product.” – Kholer President & CEO
Scott Walker will now have to flush his system of illegal substances in order to qualify for unemployment assistance.