Columbus Day: Exxon Discovers, Spills Oil on Native American Land

For ExxonMobil, Columbus Day marked a historic moment with their discovery of a massive oil deposit on Native American lands in Wyoming.

“Today, in the face of naysayers – specifically those who said, ‘legally speaking you can’t do this,’ we’ve found the largest oil deposit within the contiguous United States.” Exxon CEO Darrell Woods stated. “We’re excited to say that Exxon is really pushing into new territories folks!”

As of three hours after the announcement, Exxon had already spilled 40,000 metric tons of crude – more than the Exxon Valdez disaster of 1989. In response, Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil.

Woods thanked Dawn for their help, stating “The hardest part is probably going to be getting all of the oil out of the feathers, but dawn is all about being tough on grease, mild on skin. Trying to balance those two benefits is sometimes challenging.”

Once the cleanup efforts are finished, Woods says that they will be “releasing the natives back into the wild, you know, to wherever it is that they live.”

Native Americans pull themselves from the thick crude oil and onto newly American soil.

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