With Mitch McConnell’s push for a late night impeachment trial, herpetologists everywhere have begun speculating that the Senator is likely part desert tortoise. “The desert tortoise is known for sleeping underground throughout most of the […]
An investigation is underway after Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was severely injured moments after opening a package that contained several plastic bags and straws. McConnell, like most turtles, tried to put the foreign objects in […]
Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country.
“It’s our time now! The dawning of the age of the Reptilians is upon us!” – Mitch McConnell
McConnell is being investigated by the US. Senate Ethics Committee for spending $127,000 on a new heat lamp system and gigantic basking rocks in his office.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell