Herpetologists: Mitch McConnell’s push for late night impeachment trial suggests he’s a desert tortoise

With Mitch McConnell’s push for a late night impeachment trial, herpetologists everywhere have begun speculating that the Senator is likely part desert tortoise. “The desert tortoise is known for sleeping underground throughout most of the day and then crawling out … Continue reading Herpetologists: Mitch McConnell’s push for late night impeachment trial suggests he’s a desert tortoise

Authorities launch investigation after Mitch McConnell was mailed deadly plastic bags and straws

Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose

An investigation is underway after Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was severely injured moments after opening a package that contained several plastic bags and straws. McConnell, like most turtles, tried to put the foreign objects in his mouth to gain an … Continue reading Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose