When the wealthiest among us keep accumulating and locking away more and more money, two things can happen: 1. If governments don’t print more money, the rest of us — especially the poor and growing populations — face a scarcity … Continue reading Why We Can’t Ignore Wealth Hoarding Anymore
Donald Trump claims to have narrowly survived 13 assassination attempts within 24 hours at the hands of Taylor Swift fans. The chaos began several hours after Trump posted, “I hate Taylor Swift,” on social media, igniting a firestorm online that … Continue reading Taylor Swift Tells Swifties “Stand Back & Stand By” After Trump Survives 13 Assassination Attempts in 24 Hours
Everyone loves to debate whether communism, socialism, or capitalism works. Critics point out the flaws in each system: communism often leads to authoritarianism, socialism struggles with inefficiencies, and capitalism fosters inequality. But here’s a thought: have we ever truly made … Continue reading The Universal Flaw in ALL Economic Systems: We Let a Few Wealthy People Take Control
Recent findings about the production of “dark oxygen” by metallic minerals deep within the ocean floor are shaking up our understanding of where life could exist. These minerals, which generate oxygen without sunlight, suggest that life might be thriving in … Continue reading Discovery of “Dark Oxygen” Suggests Potential for Hidden Life on Earth & Nearby Planets!
In a move that has officially ended the Israeli-Palestinian War, President Joe Biden announced a groundbreaking deal with pharmaceutical giant Pfizer to mass-produce and distribute personal Gaza Strips to everyone involved in the conflict. Speaking from the Rose Garden, President … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden-Pfizer Deal to Mass Produce Personal Gaza Strips Ends Israeli-Palestinian War Permanently
In an unprecedented and shocking revelation, a team of top scientists from various esteemed institutions have confirmed what many have long suspected: our universe is, in fact, a meticulously crafted hellscape that seems to have been specifically designed to maximize … Continue reading BREAKING: Study Proves Reality is a Fabricated Hell with Just Enough Intelligence to Notice but Not Enough to Fix Anything
In an unprecedented and shocking revelation, Toyota Motor Corporation has issued a public apology after it was discovered that the company had been using live humans as crash test dummies since the 1970s. “We deeply regret our actions and the … Continue reading Toyota Apologizes For Using Live Humans As Crash Test Dummies
In a stunning display of insensitivity, Pope Francis has managed to offend one of the most cherished communities in the world by referring to athletes at the 2024 Special Olympics as “retards.” The pontiff, who had previously been known for … Continue reading Pope Francis Calls Special Olympics Athletes ‘R-Word’
The Sun is crossing its magnetic fields and thinking of anything but the flowing Milky Way as it waits in desperation for the Moon to block the Earth this Monday; allowing it to finally get some privacy. Having not voided … Continue reading NASA Says Sun Will Defecate & Urinate While Moon Eclipses Earth For Privacy
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is now offering NATO beer and pizza if they agree to come help clear out Russian planes from Ukrainian airspace. “It’s not much. Just a few little planes here and there. It shouldn’t take more than … Continue reading Zelensky Now Offering NATO Beer & Pizza If They’ll Help Clear Out Ukrainian Airspace
People within view of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort last night are saying that they saw the former president’s property light up in Russian flag colors for about 15 minutes. When reached for comment, Trump said it was all an honest … Continue reading Trump Says Mar-a-Lago Being Lit Up As The Russian Flag Last Night Was An ‘Accident’
Former president Donald Trump gave praise to Vladimir Putin today for the methods he’s using to invade Ukraine while he was on Laura Ingraham’s show. Trump went so far as to call the Russian president a “crafty and brilliant thinker” … Continue reading Trump Calls Himself A ‘Sapiosexual’ While Praising Putin As A ‘Crafty & Brilliant Thinker’
President Biden was asked by reporters today what he plans to do about studies saying that ocean levels are going to rise as much as they normally would in 100 years in just 30 years. “We gotta stop it. Period!” … Continue reading Biden: Rising Sea Levels Could Be Prevented If We Stop Dumping Viagra In The Oceans
President Joe Biden spoke with Russian president Vladimir Putin today in an effort to de-escalate incredibly high tensions surrounding what looked to be an inevitable invasion of Ukraine. As the two men were nearing the end of what seemed like … Continue reading Loud Biden Fart Makes Putin Smile For First Time In Years & Call Off Ukraine Invasion
The Beijing Winter Olympics is set to run under very strict social distancing rules in order to stop the games from becoming a super-spreader event. Because of this, athletes are being told to avoid hugging, high-fives, and handshakes at all … Continue reading China Gives Olympic Athletes Condoms & Tells Them To Avoid Physical Contact Such As ‘Hugs, High-Fives & Handshakes’
Disputed leader of Venezuela Nicolás Maduro revealed today that the entire Venezuelan economy was “currently riding on a handful of Gamestop shares” as the corrupt authoritarian admitted that he threw all of the country’s remaining money into the stock market. … Continue reading Entire Venezuelan Economy Riding On Handful Of GameStop Shares
President Trump has referred to COVID-19 as the ‘Kung Flu,’ ‘Wuhan Virus,’ and the ‘Chinese virus,’ but now the script has been flipped as the General Assembly of the United Nations voted today to begin officially calling coronavirus the ‘Trump … Continue reading The UN is Now Officially Calling COVID-19 the ‘Trump Virus’
President Trump accidentally voided his bowels during a campaign rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma today. The violent episode of explosive diarrhea occurred during a part of his speech about loyalty to the country in which Trump also spoke out against Democratic … Continue reading Trump Poops His Pants at Tulsa Rally
