Aaron Rodgers Says $200 Million Deal Only Covers Regular Season: ‘Pay Me More For Playoff Wins’

Aaron Rodgers has become the highest-paid NFL player ever after signing a 4-year, $200 million deal with the Green Bay Packers, but the 38-year-old quarterback is now telling the press that the team will have to pay him more if … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers Says $200 Million Deal Only Covers Regular Season: ‘Pay Me More For Playoff Wins’

McDonald’s Ice Cream Machines Also Broken In The Metaverse

“If you happen to see a working ice cream machine at a McDonald’s just know that you are not in the metaverse and that you are not in reality, Kempczinski warned. “You’re somewhere else and you need to somehow wake up or get the hell out!” Continue reading McDonald’s Ice Cream Machines Also Broken In The Metaverse

Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’

Billionaire Elon Musk stunned attendees at The Wall Street Journal’s CEO Council Summit yesterday when he proclaimed that “CEO is a made-up title.” Musk added that he had applied for a formal SEC filing to change his official title to “Sir … Continue reading Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’

Employers now asking who won the 2020 election in interviews to weed out crazy candidates

Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates

It might be illegal, but top employers from around the country, including Walmart, Amazon, Kroger, Home Depot, and FedEx have started asking interviewees the screening question: “Who won the 2020 election?” The corporate decision to ask such a question comes … Continue reading Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates

Jeff Bezos Enters Rehab For Money Addiction and Identity Crisis After Stepping Down As Amazon CEO

Jeff Bezos Enters Rehab For Money Addiction & Identity Crisis After Stepping Down As Amazon CEO

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is stepping down from his position in order to enter rehab for a severe case of money addiction and to help stop an ongoing identity crisis. Those close to Bezos say that for years the billionaire … Continue reading Jeff Bezos Enters Rehab For Money Addiction & Identity Crisis After Stepping Down As Amazon CEO

The NRA Spent Hundreds of Millions of Dollars on Viagra for Executives

“Because you can’t fire a gun in the bedroom, it can be very difficult for our members to achieve an erection without penis pills.” Continue reading The NRA Spent Hundreds of Millions of Dollars on Viagra for Executives

Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max. Continue reading Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly

Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film

“Gates oozes with a sultry sex appeal that culminates in a passionate, 12-minute lovemaking scene with the masked hero Batman who is played by Apple CEO Tim Cook.” Continue reading Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film

Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’

“After listening to Cher’s pitch we had a meeting of the minds at Facebook headquarters,” stated Zuckerberg. “The adjustments we are slated to make will not change the user experience overall, but simply help Cher to increase her marketability. The move was a no-brainer on the whole.” Continue reading Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’