NRA President Oliver North stepped down from his post this week and immediately reported illegal financial activity within the organization.

“Over the course of 21 years the NRA has spent approximately $255 million on boner pills for executives,” North stated. “That number would be much lower, but the NRA is against government-mandated healthcare – making one pill $417.”

In-fighting began when the wrongdoing was revealed to the press. It got much, much worse as the erection pill supply ran low.

“The sexual frustration was off the charts,” NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre stated. “Typically you can’t fire a gun in the bedroom, so it can be very difficult for NRA members to achieve an erection without penis pills.”

As an apology, the NRA says it will be shipping a month’s supply of Viagra to their members “for the low price of slightly-above retail value” – a method that has worked countless times for the organization.

“Unfortunately there’s a very real chance that the NRA could be fined or even dissolved,” LaPierre stated. “If this happens there will be no one left to stop Obama from taking our guns!”

Meanwhile, investigators say that it will be easy to finger the suspects as Viagra withdrawal causes the penis to draw back and retreat inside the body.

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Photo by Tim Reckmann