Today marks the first time that Merriam-Webster has put an official photograph in their famous dictionary. Continue reading Webster’s Dictionary Adds Photo of Trump to the Definition of ‘Racist’
Get rid of your twenty dollar bills before it’s too late! The U.S. Treasury Department says it will be taking the value of a $20 bill down to zero. Continue reading U.S. Treasury is Voiding the Value of the $20 Bill Due to Problems With New Harriet Tubman Twenty
“America can’t take the tired, poor, huddled masses in without somewhere to put ’em.” Continue reading U.S. Unveils 5,000 Brand New Cages For Children on World Refugee Day
Deliberately drawing zigzagging lines around all the white people will no longer be an option. Continue reading Republicans Blame Parkinson’s For Racial Gerrymandering After Ban By Supreme Court
The option will let baby boomers and the remainder of the silent generation enjoy the company of others. Continue reading ‘Uber Old’ Will Let Elderly Passengers Ride Along, Tell Stories
The group stands out by wearing white clothing, often with pointed hoods to keep their bald heads warm. Continue reading Mr. Clean Cosplayers Host Bonfire Party in Dayton, Ohio
“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring
“The Washington Redskins select any Native American. That’s right. Any. Just send anyone, but preferably someone athletic or okay with doing commercials.”
Continue reading Washington Redskins Justify Keeping Name in 2019 by Drafting a Native American in the First Round
“None of them seemed phased by Carlson. It was like the [expletive] Twilight Zone.”
Continue reading Tucker Carlson Forgets to Remove Klan Robe, Walks On to Set of Fox & Friends
Tostitos describes their new Extreme Mild Clear Salsa for White People® as being a thick, gelatinous substance for those with genetic spice sensitivities. Continue reading Tostitos Releases Extreme Mild Salsa For White People
“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.” Continue reading Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral
“Papa John’s confirms that Shaq will be allowed to say the N-word at his discretion within his seven contracted advertisements.” Continue reading Failing Papa John’s Hires Shaquille O’Neal to Eat Most of Their Pizzas
“This isn’t about racism,” Trump stated. “It’s about my tiny dick.” Continue reading Trump: “We All Know I Would Never Kiss a Black Woman”
“I’d be fine if Americans just recited half of the Pledge of Allegiance and then carried on with school or whatever.” – Trump Continue reading Trump: “Let’s All Just Say Half of the Pledge and Call It a Day”
“The letter went on in vivid detail describing the painting process, preferred makeup brands, how to wash mascara out of your underwear, and more.” Continue reading Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”
“Now, when I place Sajid in a crouching position behind me I’ll look for a confused expression on the president’s face. Soon thereafter – and here’s where it gets interesting – Sajid will pop out from behind me and…” Continue reading Democrats Will be Testing Trump’s Grasp of Object Permanence Tonight by Bringing Real People to The State of The Union Address
Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters. Continue reading Nationwide Removal of All Confederate Statues Begins as Participation Trophies are Sent to Grieving Southerners
South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster announced today that he will be performing the national anthem before the Super Bowl utilizing only his anus. Known for being outspoken – having demanded that everyone stand for the national anthem – McMaster says … Continue reading South Carolina Gov. Will Fart National Anthem at Super Bowl
