Ginsburg is maintaining a steady high with edibles from Senator Sanders until her new lung is healed. Continue reading Surgeon Gives Justice Ginsburg 3rd Lung to ‘Allow for Epic Bong Rips’
“We do strongly prefer that they be handed over as they’ll be repurposed as thrusting devices in sex toys.” Continue reading Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’ Continue reading Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump Continue reading Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
“Jim just got front row seats to Broadway’s shit musical ‘Adolph Twitler: The Fuckface von Clownstick Story’ Continue reading Remorseful Jim Acosta ‘What the Fuck Have I Done!?’
Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos. Continue reading Tenacious Justice Ginsburg Lands 720 Gazelle Flip With 3 Broken Ribs
Previously Subaru had used coded marketing tactics to reach lesbians. Continue reading Subaru Openly Markets Car Finish for Lesbians
None of our anchors can say “Trump” without vomiting. Continue reading CNN Will No Longer Broadcast Anything About Trump
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing. Continue reading NRA Billboards Encourage Mass Shooters to Become Event Planners Instead
“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated. Continue reading Bewildered Hurricane Responders Begin Arduous Task of ‘Moving Everything 10 Feet to the Right’
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil. Continue reading Columbus Day: Exxon Discovers, Spills Oil on Native American Land
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt Continue reading Kavanaugh to Be Moved to Top of Liver Transplant List if Confirmed
Presidential Alerts cannot be turned off on mobile phones. Continue reading Trump: ‘I’m Sending Every Tweet Through the Presidential Alert System From Now On’
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway Continue reading Sexual Predator Could be 2nd Alien on Supreme Court
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell Continue reading Senate Republicans Hire Hooters to Cater Kavanaugh Hearing
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani Continue reading Kavanaugh Avoids Sex Scandal by Becoming Ordained Priest Overnight
“It’s crazy to say it, but you almost wish they weren’t dead.” Continue reading National Association of Funeral Directors Says Photos of Dead are ‘On Fleek’
“If enough of us do it, they can’t catch us all.” Continue reading Tomorrow is National Insurance Fraud Day!
