Tag: speech

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The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

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In 1933, Hitler used the Reichstag Fire Decree to declare an emergency, suspend civil liberties, sideline parliament, and consolidate absolute power. Today, Trump’s Supreme Court is enabling the same authoritarian outcome: rubber-stamping his overreach, declaring him above the law, and … Continue reading The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

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Makes ‘English Limited to 5th Grade Level’ Official Language of U.S.

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to “simplify communication across America,” President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring that all spoken word, news, television, and publications must be stated or written in “fifth-grade English or lower.” “This … Continue reading Makes ‘English Limited to 5th Grade Level’ Official Language of U.S.

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Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’

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In a move that’s shocked constitutional scholars, President Trump announced late Sunday night that the Department of Justice has officially been dissolved.  Gone are the days of the DOJ standing in the way of his personal goals. In its place? … Continue reading Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’

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Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration

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In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trump’s second inauguration — held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold — allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Musk’s … Continue reading Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration

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Toyota Apologizes For Using Live Humans As Crash Test Dummies

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In an unprecedented and shocking revelation, Toyota Motor Corporation has issued a public apology after it was discovered that the company had been using live humans as crash test dummies since the 1970s. “We deeply regret our actions and the … Continue reading Toyota Apologizes For Using Live Humans As Crash Test Dummies

Abortion, Football, sex, SportsLeave a comment

Spike In Michigan Football Players Having Unprotected Sex & STDs After Coach Says He’ll Raise Any Unwanted Babies

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Reports are pouring in that University of Michigan football players are almost exclusively having unprotected sex ever since head coach Jim Harbaugh announced that he would gladly raise any of their unwanted babies. According to some players, Harbaugh was absolutely … Continue reading Spike In Michigan Football Players Having Unprotected Sex & STDs After Coach Says He’ll Raise Any Unwanted Babies

Joe Biden, Politics, Republicans, U.S. NewsLeave a comment

Empty Seats At State Of The Union Filled With Angry, Blow-Up Putins So That Biden Still Gets Exact Same Reactions

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Democrats are filling the empty seats left open by Republicans for the State of the Union with blow up dolls that have angry Vladimir Putin faces taped to them. Notably, the large number of vacant seats is due to Republicans … Continue reading Empty Seats At State Of The Union Filled With Angry, Blow-Up Putins So That Biden Still Gets Exact Same Reactions

Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Election 2020, Joe Biden, PoliticsLeave a comment
Angry Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76

Angry Philadelphia Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76

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Desperately seeking to grab the nation’s attention, former President Barack Obama set up a stage and a podium in the middle of Philadelphia’s I-76 and delivered an impassioned speech denouncing Donald Trump this afternoon. Despite repeated and raucous honking, Obama … Continue reading Angry Philadelphia Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76

Donald Trump, Politics, RepublicanLeave a comment

Conservatives Looking Forward to Cackling Maniacally At Their TV Sets During the RNC

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Republicans across the United States are excited to spend the next four nights cackling maniacally along with six Trumps and a handful of other speakers as they lay out their diabolical plans for the continued destruction of the country at … Continue reading Conservatives Looking Forward to Cackling Maniacally At Their TV Sets During the RNC

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Joe Biden Tells Confused Crowd About ‘The Time Dan Ate the Clouds Like Cotton Candy’

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(Philadelphia, PA) Former Vice President Joe Biden gave an incoherent, rambling speech at a rally this afternoon in front of a small, perplexed crowd. At one point during the speech Biden spent several minutes talking about “the time Dan ate … Continue reading Joe Biden Tells Confused Crowd About ‘The Time Dan Ate the Clouds Like Cotton Candy’

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Snowflakes Upset That Nancy Pelosi Tore Trump’s Speech Into Little Snowflakes

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Countless Americans are up-in-arms after Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi took her copy of president Trump’s State of the Union speech and tore it into pieces. Pelosi says that compared to what the president has said and done that … Continue reading Snowflakes Upset That Nancy Pelosi Tore Trump’s Speech Into Little Snowflakes

Donald Trump, U.S. News, WeatherLeave a comment

Feeling cocky, President Trump strings together 10 words to form a complete, coherent sentence

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At a morning press conference at Camp David, President Trump managed to stun reporters when he said 10 words in a row that all worked to form both a complete thought and a grammatically correct sentence. The rare moment of … Continue reading Feeling cocky, President Trump strings together 10 words to form a complete, coherent sentence

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Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

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“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

America, Announcement, Breaking News, Conservative, democrat, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Immigration, Politics, Racism, Republican, Senator, Sexuality, Society, U.S. News, women's rightsLeave a comment

Democrats Will be Testing Trump’s Grasp of Object Permanence Tonight by Bringing Real People to The State of The Union Address

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“Now, when I place Sajid in a crouching position behind me I’ll look for a confused expression on the president’s face. Soon thereafter – and here’s where it gets interesting – Sajid will pop out from behind me and…” Continue reading Democrats Will be Testing Trump’s Grasp of Object Permanence Tonight by Bringing Real People to The State of The Union Address

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A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter

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“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin. Continue reading A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter

Gun Control, PoliticsLeave a comment
Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners

Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners

youreadygrandma

Barack Obama, who is by all means a “Lame Duck” president, used the recent school shooting to defend gun owners. This was a surprising move by the leader of the Free World as he decided to use tragedy in order to get everyday Americans to, as he stated, “think for… Continue reading Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners