Senator Rand Paul incorrectly asserted today that New York City has achieved herd immunity from COVID-19 and that the rest of the US should follow suit. Paul then proceeded to get down on his knees to lick and slobber on … Continue reading Rand Paul Licks & Slobbers on Door Handle While Encouraging Americans to Achieve Herd Immunity
Emphasizing that they’re the perfect size and weight to throw at police officers, Donald Trump signed an executive order today placing a 10-day waiting period on the purchase of Bumble Bee tuna across the country. The new law also requires … Continue reading Trump Enacts Waiting Period, Background Checks on Purchase of Bumble Bee Tuna
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt Continue reading Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe
A study by US Foods revealed that a shocking twenty-eight percent of food delivery drivers have eaten customers‘ food. What do you think? More NewsSupport the AuthorTake me to the MEMES!SourcePhoto Credit franchise opportunities Continue reading More than 1 in 4 food delivery drivers admit to eating your food
Now it’s possible to avoid having to pay a doctor for their time spent curled up on the operating table next to your barely-clothed, unconscious body. Continue reading Surgeons Will No Longer Be Required To Take Naps Halfway Through Operations
“Anyone who purchases a drink can get a free tattoo from our baristas this weekend.” Continue reading Starbucks is Offering FREE Tattoos This Weekend
Democrats are trying to persuade Melania Trump to bring the president to mindblowing climax. Continue reading Democrats Are Lobbying Melania Trump to Have Sex With the President
“Nick will be up there competing for the same oxygen supply as the President for roughly an hour.” Continue reading President Trump Has Invited Nick Sandmann to Stand Six Inches From His Face at the State of The Union Address
“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.” Continue reading US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division
“Americans can expect to see Christmas decorations in stores for around 5 to 6 months out of the year.” Continue reading Pope Francis Officially Moves Christmas 2019 to March
Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos. Continue reading Tenacious Justice Ginsburg Lands 720 Gazelle Flip With 3 Broken Ribs
Previously Subaru had used coded marketing tactics to reach lesbians. Continue reading Subaru Openly Markets Car Finish for Lesbians
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons. Continue reading Gigantic Gold-Plated Package Left on White House Lawn
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing. Continue reading NRA Billboards Encourage Mass Shooters to Become Event Planners Instead
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell Continue reading Mitch McConnell Legally Changes Name to ‘Bitch McConnell’
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil. Continue reading Columbus Day: Exxon Discovers, Spills Oil on Native American Land
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt Continue reading Kavanaugh to Be Moved to Top of Liver Transplant List if Confirmed
“We’re trying to attract more meat-eaters by selling a diverse selection of what we are pretty sure they like to eat,” Continue reading Tofurky Releases Trophy-Hunt Lion Steak, More Options
