“Anyone who purchases a drink can get a free tattoo from our baristas this weekend.”
Democrats are trying to persuade Melania Trump to bring the president to mindblowing climax.
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt
“Nick will be up there competing for the same oxygen supply as the President for roughly an hour.”
“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.”
“Americans can expect to see Christmas decorations in stores for around 5 to 6 months out of the year.”
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #Disgraceful.
Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos.
Previously Subaru had used coded marketing tactics to reach lesbians.
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons.
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil.
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt
“We’re trying to attract more meat-eaters by selling a diverse selection of what we are pretty sure they like to eat,”
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.”
“These kids aren’t fully investing themselves in the vibrant artistic expression and riveting stories.” – Jane Meyers, Head of Stanford’s Sex & Gender Studies
“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated.
“I make great deals, okay? This deal is really phenomenal on the surface. It’s a wonderful, superficial deal,” Trump said.
‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient.
Tyson offered a confusingly graphic, yet scientific explanation.