Kavanaugh to Be Moved to Top of Liver Transplant List if Confirmed

Representatives from the University of Californis San Francisco Medical Center revealed today that, if confirmed, Brett Kavanaugh would be moved to the top of their liver transplant list.

“Mr. Kavanaugh has repeatedly failed to hit our 6-month sobriety requirement to receive a new liver.” William Hollagur M.D., Ph.D Professor of Surgery stated. “Unfortunately, Brett has been on our list for nearly 12 years.”

With organ transplants certain criteria can help to move patients up the list; with societal status being a factor that is taken into account (think Black Mirror). According to Hollagur, being on the Supreme Court would “bump Kavanaugh to the top of their list and save his life in spite of the fact that he’s a total douche.”

Dr. Hollagur says that Kavanaugh’s “shit show of a testimony” was mostly fueled by his medical situation.

“The raw emotion and madness that you saw in Brett’s testimony wasn’t all about his reputation or past,” Hollagur said. “Mr. Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas or he will die. Period.”

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