Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine

YouReadyGrandma

“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated.

A Face-Licking Epidemic is Freaking Out Floridians

YouReadyGrandma

“Oakley’s actions have thrown open the closet doors for individuals who are aroused by licking things to claim them as their own,”

US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division

YouReadyGrandma

“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.”

Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says

YouReadyGrandma

“We do strongly prefer that they be handed over as they’ll be repurposed as thrusting devices in sex toys.”

Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation

YouReadyGrandma

Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’

Gigantic Gold-Plated Package Left on White House Lawn

YouReadyGrandma

The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons. 

NRA Billboards Encourage Mass Shooters to Become Event Planners Instead

The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing.

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