Trump said that the new complex would be “an experiment representing a new approach for overhauling the prison system and has nothing to do with Michael Cohen’s testimony.” Continue reading Trump is Building a ‘Golden, Mansion-Style Prison’
“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated. Continue reading Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine
“Oakley’s actions have thrown open the closet doors for individuals who are aroused by licking things to claim them as their own,” Continue reading A Face-Licking Epidemic is Freaking Out Floridians
“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.” Continue reading US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division
“We do strongly prefer that they be handed over as they’ll be repurposed as thrusting devices in sex toys.” Continue reading Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’ Continue reading Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons. Continue reading Gigantic Gold-Plated Package Left on White House Lawn
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing. Continue reading NRA Billboards Encourage Mass Shooters to Become Event Planners Instead
Garten has been raising her own humans for consumption in a coop next to her garden. Continue reading Chef Starts Cannibalism Diet Trend Across United States
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway Continue reading Sexual Predator Could be 2nd Alien on Supreme Court
“It really comes down to time and resources.” Continue reading White Americans Will Be Allowed ‘JUST ONE’ 911 Call Per Year
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’. Continue reading Trump Thinks He Nominated Glenn Sturgis from ‘Superstore’ to Supreme Court
“Overall, we just want to make everyone feel more welcome and safe at Starbucks.” Continue reading Starbucks is Opening Separate Restrooms for Black Customers
Obama suggests Trump could have avoided many scandals with one trick. Continue reading Obama: “I Don’t Know Why Donald Paid All of These Women – I Had Mine Killed.”
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating. That’s not the correct wording,” said Bilichick. Continue reading Tom Brady on Super Bowl: ‘I Plan to Cheat Again’
A handheld digital pet hailing from Japan, the Tamagotchi was a needy electronic animal that… Continue reading Deadliest Toys From The 90’s
Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who wants to purchase more military-grade weapons. Continue reading The ‘Too Soon’ Gun Campaign Asks Domestic Terrorists to “Tone it Down”
“Schwarzenegger was also not ‘carrying a backpack,’ he was actually strapped in to a military-grade jet pack.” Continue reading Schwarzenegger Identified as White House Intruder with “Backpack”
