Schwarzenegger Identified as White House Intruder with “Backpack”

The man who was said to have carried a backpack past security at the White House has now been identified as former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Schwarzenegger was discovered by a Secret Service officer near the south entrance, officials said.

It was initially – and incorrectly – reported that the intruder had stated, “I am a friend of the President. I have an appointment.”  An anonymous source inside the White House has now revealed that Schwarzenegger’s real words were:

“I am no friend of the President. He has an appointment with my (obscenity) fist!”

Schwarzenegger was also not “carrying a backpack,” he was actually strapped in to a military-grade jet pack.

President Trump and Schwarzenegger had made news in weeks prior when Trump started a Twitter feud over The Celebrity Apprentice show – which Schwarzenegger had taken over from him:
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Witnesses shared their accounts of how Schwarzenegger got inside of the White House grounds.

“I saw a man in full camouflage and face paint blast down Pennsylvania Avenue with a nearly-silent jet pack,” stated tourist Carolyn Steadman. “He then soared over the White House fence and yelled ‘Daddy’s home!’ It was… it was insane.”

Some conflicting witness accounts have stated that Schwarzenegger was also wearing a hat depicting the Pokemon character Pikachu while he tossed several poké ball-painted stun grenades that disarmed at least 7 Secret Service agents.

In review, security footage also showed that Schwarzenegger had climbed the northwest face of the White House days prior, undetected. He then left once realizing that Trump was golfing at his Mar-a-Lago estate, again.

Trump has described the incident as being “sad,” “very sad,” and “incredibly sad.” Yet, shockingly the President is refusing to have any charges filed.

When reached for comment Schwarzenegger explained his actions, “I’m addicted to exercising and I have to do something every day. This is just what I decided to do that day.”

His statement concluded with a message directed at Trump:

“Donald, you’re fat,” said Schwarzenegger. “But I will live to see you eat your words, and I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine! RAAGH!”

Arnold Schwarzenegger is reportedly entertaining the idea of making a run for the U.S. Senate in 2018. After the incident, polls show an increased support for the former California Governor.

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