Robert Mueller’s investigation into Donald Trump, Russia and the 2016 Election has produced a hot stream of news today.

Mueller confirmed his team has seen the The Pee Tape and it’s not what many anticipated.

“For all the excitement, it’s just Putin peeing and Trump gargling for 35 minutes. The two stop for water breaks,” Mueller said. “Nothing is said, but their eyes are locked intensely the whole time. Then Trump starts gagging and utters ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipey!’,” Mueller stated.

“This was immediately followed by 12 minutes of President Trump vomitting up what we believe was a urine-soaked KFC’s Extra Crispy $20 Fill-Up,” Mueller said.

Still, investigators admit that the pee tape doesn’t necessarily prove anything.

“There’s nothing inherently illegal about gargling piss like it’s crack,” Mueller concluded.

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