White Americans Will Be Allowed ‘JUST ONE’ 911 Call Per Year

Beginning on January 1st, 2019, if you’re white, you’ll be given a single chance to dial 9-1-1 each year. The Federal Communications Commission and other local authorities are telling white folks to use their one call wisely.

“Our resources have been stretched beyond thin by racist, white people and it’s only gotten worse,” FCC Director Ajit Pai said.

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Ajit Pai, FCC Director.

“When we have good folks with real emergencies who need help we simply cannot – and will not – keep taking calls from ignorant whites, the Adam Bloom’s of the world, or some white-hood-wearing piece of shit in bumblefuck Alabama, you know?” Pai said. “Share public space with others like an adult. And if you can’t, then stay home with the shades drawn because that’s the only blackness that you deserve to be around. There’s nothing good or valuable about racists.”

Notably, white people will be allowed to make an additional emergency call if their first request for help turned out to be a legitimate concern. However, if a white caller has already abused the emergency system, any subsequent 911 calls will begin by having to answer a prerecorded ‘yes or no’ question that reads:

“Please pause for a moment and ask yourself, ‘Am I actually calling because the individual in question is not the same race or skin color as me?'” Callers will then be forced to wait 30 seconds before they can submit an answer by pressing ‘1’ for yes or ‘2’ for no.

Understandably, concerns are being raised by many over what could unfold in these 30 seconds should there be a real emergency.

“Unfortunately we can no longer waste our time or resources catering to a special kind of dumb that pervades our society,” Pai said. “So if it ends up that one of these racist motherfuckers actually does need help, we are going to let a little bit of social Darwinism take over.”

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They 911 system will work with the US Census and cell phone provider records to automatically log white people’s phone numbers and register them as having made their 1, yearly emergency call. Those who call 911 for blatantly racist reasons more than twice in a calendar year will be banned from using the system entirely and added to a public registry.

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