Category: Terrorism

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Trump Launches ‘NARC Act’: Undocumented Whites Offered Citizenship for Turning in Darker Immigrants

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a controversial new initiative, President Trump has launched the NARC Act (National Asylum Reward for Caucasians), offering citizenship to undocumented white immigrants who help ICE identify and deport browner illegal immigrants. The initiative was originally named the … Continue reading Trump Launches ‘NARC Act’: Undocumented Whites Offered Citizenship for Turning in Darker Immigrants

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UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’

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In a bold move to address escalating tensions between Americans and the healthcare industry, UnitedHealth Group has announced a groundbreaking partnership with gun retailers and the National Rifle Association (NRA). The initiative offers steep discounts on premiums and bills to gun owners, … Continue reading UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’

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Taylor Swift Tells Swifties “Stand Back & Stand By” After Trump Survives 13 Assassination Attempts in 24 Hours

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Donald Trump claims to have narrowly survived 13 assassination attempts within 24 hours at the hands of Taylor Swift fans. The chaos began several hours after Trump posted, “I hate Taylor Swift,” on social media, igniting a firestorm online that … Continue reading Taylor Swift Tells Swifties “Stand Back & Stand By” After Trump Survives 13 Assassination Attempts in 24 Hours

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Proud Boys Shocked Afro-Cuban Leader is Informant

Proud Boys Somehow Shocked Their Afro-Cuban Leader Named ‘Enrique Tarrio’ Is Likely To Be FBI Informant

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Members of the white nationalist, neo-fascist, far-right political organization the Proud Boys say they feel “shocked and betrayed” after finding out that their non-white leader Enrique Tarrio is likely to be a an FBI informant and that he might have … Continue reading Proud Boys Somehow Shocked Their Afro-Cuban Leader Named ‘Enrique Tarrio’ Is Likely To Be FBI Informant

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capitol stormers wish theyd worn hoods like grandparents used to

Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

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Citing a lack of anonymity as being their primary mistake, countless arrested domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol now say they regret not wearing white, pointy hoods like their grandparents had during riots past. “Collectively, we should have learned from … Continue reading Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

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Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral

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“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.” Continue reading Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral

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Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

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“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.” Continue reading Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

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United Kicked Woman Off Plane for Refusing to Remove Religious Headscarf, Speak

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Trump tweeted and gave approval for the TSA to ban all passengers from flying if they dress like the suspect who is now in detainment. Continue reading United Kicked Woman Off Plane for Refusing to Remove Religious Headscarf, Speak