Fresh Ink: Trump Gets Pepe The Frog Tattoo For His Birthday

President Trump celebrated his 73rd birthday by getting a tattoo of Pepe the Frog on his right butt cheek.

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Ghost of John McCain Announces 2020 Presidential Bid

“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.”

Yes, There’s a Parallel Universe Where You Aren’t a Total Piece of Shit

“You can rest assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life.”

New York’s Streets Run Red With Blood After State Bans Cat Declawing

“It’s sheer chaos,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo stated. “Our pussies have gone mad with power.”

23andMe Discovers Gary Busey & Boris Johnson Are Trump’s Brothers

“Genetically-speaking the lineage has certain characteristics that really stand out; such as having categorically unpleasant hair and personalities.” – 23andMe CEO Anne Wojcicki

Elizabeth Warren Becomes Spokeswoman for New Lesbian Dating App Mufflr

According to their website, Mufflr is being funded by powerful lesbians Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton.

Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor

“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”

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