Researchers at MIT have confirmed that not only do parallel universes exist, but there’s one where you aren’t a total, worthless piece of shit.

“While I happen to be a successful and productive human being in this reality, the rest of you can be assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life,” Head Researcher Ulrich Skorwiski stated. “Now that’s comforting.”

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