The head of the Department of Education, Betsy DeVos, announced that ‘appreciation’ for teachers would not be included this year on National Teacher Appreciation Day.

“The teachers can’t have it all,” DeVos stated. “Cushy jobs, hanging out with kids, summers off to spend time working at Michael’s for $2 above minimum wage, and then using that extra cash that’s lining their thick wallets to buy school supplies at Michael’s.”

DeVos then showed her deep naivety by grossly overestimating teacher salary.

“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.”

The Department of Education leader pointed to the handful of missed school days many kids and their parents endured last year.

“Our kids weren’t getting to type on a sturdy Macintosh Classic II or learn survival skills from Oregon trail for far, far too long. It’s unacceptable.”

DeVos also cited her “American education” – which was comprised of pushing a hoop with a stick – as being what got her to where she is today.

“These teachers and students are spoiled. That wooden hoop and stick taught me everything I know,” DeVos confirmed. “In fact, I still have that stick lodged firmly up my anus.”

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Photo credit Gage Skidmore