UK Study proves that all human genes are gay

Scientists say that everyone’s genetic activity is measurable and that soon devices will be able to scan people and determine just how gay they are.

Furries rejoice as Birkenstock announces Furkenstock sandals

The new line of sandals will come in 7 species options and be released in about one dog year.

‘Food Smellers’ Need to Stop Weirding-Out Normal Eaters


“People who have to smell their food before eating it are complete monsters.”

Everyone Who Used Snapchat’s Gender-Swap Filter is Now Banned From US Military


The ban is estimated to block 82.6 million US citizens from service and dishonorably discharge another 1.7 million Americans from the military.

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring


“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren

US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’


“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated.

Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report


The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear.

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