Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency

Elizabeth Warren announced today at a campaign rally that she is “ready and willing” to divorce her husband of 39 years and marry her “lifelong best friend Barb.”

Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay

YouReadyGrandma

“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.”

Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film

YouReadyGrandma

“Gates oozes with a sultry sex appeal that culminates in a passionate, 12-minute lovemaking scene with the masked hero Batman who is played by Apple CEO Tim Cook.”

China Bans Heterosexual Sex Over Population Concerns

YouReadyGrandma

“The only sexual contact permitted in China for the foreseeable future will be homosexual in nature,” President Jinping stated while intertwining his fingers with NBA star Yao Ming.

Frustrated Waldo From ‘Where’s Waldo?’ Books Just Wants to Jerk Off in Peace

YouReadyGrandma

Back in 1987, the distinctively dressed Waldo set out to have a quick, private wank. Now, 33 years later, what was supposed to be a five minute meat beating bonanza, has turned into a world-wide journey in search of a place to rub one out.

Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”

YouReadyGrandma

Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase.

Pope Francis Demands Every Dirty Detail on Sexual Abuse for His Adult Fantasy Novel

YouReadyGrandma

Pope Francis’ adult book is entitled ‘The Divinci Load.’

%d bloggers like this: