Samsung threatened to file a lawsuit against Elon Musk today after the billionaire had an exchange with a video podcaster on Twitter about the possibility of Musk making a new smartphone. Samsung released a brief press release about the issue, … Continue reading Samsung Threatens To Sue Elon Musk Over Tesla Phone: ‘We Hold The Patent For Phones That Explode’
Climate and infectious disease experts released a study today saying that in order to completely eradicate COVID-19 from the country that the government could simply burn all 2.27 billion acres of land that makes up the United States of America. Scientists … Continue reading Experts Say Letting U.S. Be Engulfed In Flames Would End COVID Across Country
35-year-old James Dewatt of Peoria, Illinois finally forgot about the emptiness and boredom that he’s been feeling for months on end today when he was fired from his job. Dewatt says losing his job immediately changed his state of mind. … Continue reading Financial Crisis Exactly What Man Needed To Forget About Crushing Emptiness & Boredom
CNN cut ties with former political commentator and two-time failed GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum today after realizing that he was just a half-baked ham balancing on an empty suit. CNN, who had allowed Santorum to be on air since … Continue reading CNN Fires Rick Santorum After Realizing He’s Just A Half-Baked Ham Balancing On An Empty Suit
White House chief of staff Mark Meadows has ordered FDA chief Dr. Stephen Hahn to either authorize the Pfizer vaccine by the end of today or submit his letter of resignation. The ultimatum comes despite countless, repeated remarks from the … Continue reading White House Frantically Demands Vaccine Be Approved Today Despite Virus Being ‘No Worse Than Flu’
Just three days after retweeting a call for Dr. Anthony Fauci’s removal, Donald Trump made the firing official today by axing the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. The president’s decision was announced Thursday afternoon immediately … Continue reading Fauci Out, Undertaker In: Trump Replaces Head Immunologist With Pro Wrestling Legend
Carlsbad, California – Famous actor, environmentalist, and man who really hates Brazil, Leonardo DiCaprio, completely torched a Texas de Brazil restaurant today after leaving a huge, $2,200 tip. Authorities say DiCaprio is being charged with arson. This news comes just … Continue reading Leonardo DiCaprio shows no remorse after burning down Texas de Brazil
An unhinged Rudy Giuliani went on NBC’s Meet the Press this morning to announce that he is now being possessed and legally represented by deceased criminal lawyer Johnnie Cochran. According to Giuliani, the famed O.J. Simpson lawyer took over his … Continue reading Rudy Giuliani says he’s hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran as his defense lawyer
Another Tennessee Titans mascot has spontaneously combusted on live TV, the latest during last night’s game against the Indianapolis Colts. Investigators say this is the fifth T-Rac the raccoon to burst into flames without a know cause. Stadium Photo by … Continue reading Titans puzzled as yet another T-Rac the raccoon mascot spontaneously combusts on the sidelines
Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens. Continue reading Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens
“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.” Continue reading Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral
Gillette says they intend to replace the marketing team with all female, yet conservative employees “so both sides shut up.” Continue reading Awful Commercial Angers Men, Causes Hipsters to Shave Beards
The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering. Continue reading Jeff Sessions is Using Marijuana to Cope With His Job
White reporter snubs pastor in Baltimore. Continue reading White Reporter Answers Phone While Interviewing Baltimore Pastor
