Elon Musk Fires All Staff That Won’t Do Cocaine: ‘Everyone Must Work Nonstop’

Twitter CEO Elon Musk sent out a company-wide email today informing employees that they are all required to snort cocaine.

“The entire staff must able to work nonstop, and for days on end,” Musk wrote. “The only way I see this working is if everyone starts doing cocaine like me.”

Notably, Musk said that the cocaine will not be provided for employees.

“I’m not willing to take on that risk,” Musk’s email read. “But you’re all supposed to be the best and the brightest, so I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Additionally, Musk’s email stated that Twitter will start doing company-wide drug testing.

“If your test doesn’t come back positive for cocaine, you’re fired. Plain and simple,” Musk wrote.

As of press time, a wide-eyed Musk bragged to reporters that he’s been awake for eleven days in a row.

“A bloody nose is a small price to pay for 24/7 productivity,” Musk stated.

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